Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Wendy Miyake

“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” ~Brene Brown

Vulnerability has never been my strong suit. It’s no wonder. In order to be vulnerable, you have to be okay with all of you. That’s the thing about vulnerability that no one tells you about.

Being vulnerable is not just about showing the parts of you that are shiny and pretty and fun. It’s about revealing what you deny or keep hidden from other people. We all do this to some extent. I bet you’ve never said to a friend, “Oh my god, I just love that I’m insecure.”

But that’s the point, isn’t it? You’ve got to love everything, if you want to be vulnerable by choice.

Most of us have probably experienced vulnerability through default. More often than not, we are either forced into that state through conflict or we are surprised by it after our circumstances feel more comfortable.

Few of us consciously choose vulnerability. Why? The stakes are too high.

If we reveal our authentic selves, there is the great possibility that we will be misunderstood, labeled, or worst of all, rejected. The fear of rejection can be so powerful that some wear it like armor.

My first real experience with vulnerability came when I was twenty-five.

I had just accepted a position as a literature teacher of juniors and seniors at a local high school. This was quite possibly the most intimidating situation I had ever gotten myself into thus far. We’re talking teenagers here, the most extraterrestrial of all age groups!

To make matters worse, I asked my parents for advice. Being longtime elementary school teachers, my parents had a plethora of horror stories to share about unruly students, unreasonable parents, and teachers who could not control their classrooms.

Each story ended with, “And that’s why she quit and ended up going into retail.”

I didn’t want to be a quitter so I listened well when they told me that I needed to be strong from the get-go, that I needed to show my students who was boss.

In the words of my father, “You can be a bitch and work your way down to nice but you can’t be nice and work your way up to being strong.”

I took my parents’ advice to heart. In the first week, I flunked seventy-five percent of my students on the summer reading exam. I yelled a lot to control the classroom environment.

And when my students would complain about an assignment, I would say to them, “Remember, this class is not a democracy, it’s a monarchy and guess who’s queen?”

When I read those words now, I can’t help but cringe.

But at the time, I believed vulnerability was a liability. I was okay with being the dragon lady. It was safe.

And under that façade, no one knew how terrified I actually was. So I wore that armor as if my life depended on it.

If I had my way, I would have kept my guard up for the rest of that year. But my students were much smarter than me. They must have known on some level that in the presence of true vulnerability no one could remain closed off.

Perhaps no event demonstrated this better than when the senior honors project was in jeopardy.

It was not traditional curriculum and thus it came under scrutiny. My seniors were visibly upset because they had worked so hard on their group papers and they were looking forward to their presentations in which faculty from the school as well as from the university would be present.

When they expressed their feelings so honestly and openly, I could not turn away. Now, I wanted to fight not only for the project but for the students themselves.

When I thought we would have no choice but to abandon the whole thing, I remember telling my students that I wanted to quit. For the first time, I was very honest with them about how I was feeling and what I wanted for them.

I was, perhaps, the most vulnerable I had been all year. And that moment of vulnerability paid off big time.

When I left the school at the end of the year, I received many letters from my students. In them, I discovered that they were touched by the fact that I had fought so hard for them, that I was honest with them, and that I believed in them so passionately.

At the time, I probably said to the universe something like, “Ah! You tricked me! This was supposed to be just a temporary job until my real life began. I wasn’t supposed to invest in anyone or be committed to anything or care about anyone.”

But I was very connected to these students long before I even knew I was. Needless to say, the students got their senior project. But I received something so much greater. I learned what vulnerability looked like and felt like. And I was the recipient of all its rewards.

Over the years, I have continued to experience that place of vulnerability. I cannot say that all my experiences have come through choice but I do try to enter that state as much as I can.

While I am far from being an expert on this subject, I have come to some conclusions that I hope will be meaningful to those who want to choose vulnerability:

1. Vulnerability is so much easier when you love yourself.

Think about it. When you don’t love all of you and are afraid to show people the less than stellar parts, the space between you and vulnerability is like the Grand Canyon. You will need all the courage you can get to make the leap across.

But when you love yourself, and I mean all of you, you don’t worry so much if someone else doesn’t. And when you’re less afraid of rejection, you step right into that place of openness.

2. Vulnerability takes practice.

You don’t just learn it once and then—ta-dah!—you’re easily open to everything and everyone. My experience at the high school was very profound but even now, many years later, I still have moments where I’m more guarded and less willing to share the real me.

Thank goodness life continues to give me opportunities to consciously choose openness. And most times, I do.

3. The rewards of vulnerability are immeasurable.

When I have chosen to be open, to show my authentic self, my students have met me there. And when they’ve met me there and formed that connection, there’s nothing they can’t accomplish.

With vulnerability, you experience true connection—true love for yourself—and you begin to attract people to you who are inspired by your openness.

While it’s not easy to be vulnerable, you’d be surprised how loving all of you and then sharing it with another can help you to connect with anyone. In my own life, I’m continuing to open up to my students.

I’ve been showing them a little more of the complexity that is me. They now know the ugly truth that I don’t do math. They know that whenever I need to half a recipe, my twelve-year-old nephew does the fractions for me.

Shameful? Perhaps. But you know what? I like that girl and in the end, so do my students.

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Nicole Franco

“Treat your friends like you do your best pictures; place them in the best light.” ~Unknown

I recently had a disagreement with a close friend.

There was a good deal of uncontrolled emotion on my side. I wasn’t expressing myself well and I knew it. I became more and more frustrated and less effective at explaining my feelings.

I found myself laying unwarranted blame on my friend rather than admitting openly that something was hurting me and I was feeling vulnerable.

Ultimately, he said the words I was having trouble finding for me, and that resolved the situation.

I was embarrassed and grateful, but I realized I needed to evaluate a few of my shortcomings to avoid making the same mistake again.

I also realized that what I was feeling wasn’t the problem.

It was my inability to effectively convey what was in my heart and on my mind that led to hurt feelings and further misunderstanding.

After much self examination, I’ve come up with a few tips to communicate effectively during a conflict.

Consider the timing of the conversation.

1. Think about whether this needs to be said right now, in this moment. Sometimes the opportunity will be missed if not.

In my case, I felt I needed to bring the subject up right then or I might not have gotten the nerve again. I went for it, but it could have gone better if I’d waited to form a well organized idea of what I wanted to say.

2. Think about the other person’s state of mind. Is he/she tired, under other stress, or not in an ideal place right now to have a heartfelt talk?

3. Consider if you have a good handle on your emotions and have the proper perspective to deal with the potential consequences. Email, texts, and cell phone calls are not an ideal way to introduce the need to talk about something substantial.

4. Hold off on the confrontation if you feel the time is not right. There is a marked difference in avoiding a hard topic and thoughtfully planning the ideal time to have a potentially difficult conversation.

Breathe, step back, and listen.

5. Focus on breathing to help control your emotions. If you begin a difficult conversation starting from a place of controlled emotion and grace, the path will be smoother.

6. Keep your perspective broad and realistic. Don’t place too much importance on a single talk. Most of the progress in relationships comes from a series of discussions as they unravel naturally. Try and stay in the moment and minimize added drama by bringing up old or irrelevant issues.

7. Listen more than you talk. It’s fine to be heard, but if you are not listening to the other’s response, the discussion is pointless.

8. Avoid adding unnecessary drama. These things never help to fix a problem and ultimately bring more hurt to all involved. These include, ultimatums, yelling, threatening to cut off the friendship, name calling, and personal attacks.

If it comes to that, walk away. Breathe, step back and allow some time before you try again.

Separate the other person’s words and emotions.

9. Focus on what the person is trying to communicate. I’m often reminded as a parent to listen to my children’s words and not necessarily the emotion behind them. Emotions are fleeting, and rarely final. They are simply a temporary reaction to the current situation.

My 3 year old sometimes throws temper tantrums when she’s frustrated, but if I listen and respond to her words, it often diffuses her anger. Many times she is telling me she is not feeling heard as the youngest member of our family. I focus on the simple phrase, “Mommy! Listen to me!” Not her screaming voice and kicking feet.

10. Acknowledge the feelings. If you acknowledge that someone is angry or hurt, you can better understand the sharp or harsh words that may be coming from them. You can choose to help them deal with their emotions or let them regain their composure to talk another time.

Realize your emotions affect how you interpret what you hear.

11. Take a realistic assessment of your true feelings in the moment.

I tend to distort and add unintended nuances to the words that others say when I am upset. This has caused me a great deal of distress in past conflicts. I am not on the wrong page, but in the wrong book sometimes metaphorically speaking.

After such experiences, I find the other person saying “How did you come to that conclusion from what I said?”

This is a classic example of our ability to inflict the worst hurts upon ourselves.

If I realize that I am upset, and try to hear the words being said to me as they are, without my running mental commentary, things come across much clearer.

12. Clear the emotional fog enough to receive the message. If you need to ask for clarification or even repeat what you think the other person is trying to say, so be it.

Trust in the strength of your relationships.

13. Know that most well established relationships can weather the occasional conflict just fine. It can even be an opportunity to grow and evolve as you turn a new corner of understanding one another.

The friend I argued with is the best kind. He challenges me to broaden my perspective. He is relentless in keeping me from settling and expecting too little from life. He pushes me out of the nest over and over when I get too comfortable.

Don’t avoid expressing how you feel for the sake of preserving a friendship.

The foundation of all relationships is grounded on honesty and trust. It’s OK to show weakness, to be wrong, or to just plain melt down from time to time. Each person has something to give and something to learn. Conflict might be considered the way to pass along such knowledge.

I am fortunate my friend knew me well and was willing to give me space and offer forgiveness. The next time I have something to say, I will try to remember this and be more straightforward.

Every challenge with another is a chance to better our response. They give us the chance to practice patience, respect for others, detachment, and compassion. The added benefit is strengthening our relationships and our ability to communicate.

Photo by celebdu

“Master Class,” is a new series on Oprah’s new network, “OWN.” Check out this episode on Jay-Z.

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Jeff Lombardo’s Checkins by WeePlaces.com.

Ask yourself an important, life-changing question. Ask yourself what you truly desire from life. Who is the person you really want to become? What is the life you truly want to lead? What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it sound like? Who is there with you? What kinds of activities are you enjoying? What challenges do you seek to fulfill your special possibilities?

Don’t rely on someone else’s dreams. Find and follow your own. Get in touch with your own most deeply held desires. They are yours for a reason. They are yours so that you may fulfill your own unique purpose and possibilities. Your life matters very much. It cannot be replaced and it cannot be duplicated. You are the person who has the privilege of living it, the person who will make it a grand and shining achievement, the person who can fulfill its incredible promise.

Ask yourself what you truly desire, and then ask yourself why. Why do you desire the things you desire? Why do some things fill you with joy and other things make you incredibly sad? There is an unstoppable, driving purpose to your life. At times of great joy, at times of genuine excitement, at times of profound sorrow, you can feel that purpose. It is an intense experience to do so, yet a reassuring one as well. Because it lets you know you are alive. There is a special meaning in this universe that exists in the person you are. Ask yourself why. Find that meaning. Find that purpose. Spend time with it. Get to know it. Seek to understand and enable it.

Then, armed with the intimate knowledge of the what and the why of your life, make the commitment to move forward. Make the commitment to get up and take action. Make the commitment to fulfill your most glorious possibilities. Decide that you will be true to your purpose, true to your dreams, your goals, your most sincere desires. No matter what.

One of the prime complaints about the Rolls Royce Ghost has always been its way of flying under the radar. To fix this, the bland and nondescript English car has taken on an Italian flair, courtesy of Fenice Milano. The design kit includes three colors: bronze, white, and navy blue. It also includes new hoodsm fendersm and grids lined in gold. Hey, if you’ve got a Rolls Royce, you might as well get it in gold. And because the trim on the RR Ghost isn’t worthy of its newly gold-emblazoned exterior, Milano’s given that a steroid shot too: both the dashboard and passenger compartment are in leather and wood, with two options.

The interior has a healthy splash of 24K hold as well, with profiles and inserts that have been hand shaped by artisans (which are now only found in Italy). The seats are redesigned, as they were previously unbearable, and the pop-out picnic table and drink holder is, again, lined with gold.

ECU upgrades and suspension optimization mean that none of these desperately needed upgrades will fall prey to the Rolls Royce’s unpredictable, nearly intolerable ride quality, and that this car will finally live up to the Rolls Royce name its original manufacturers clearly did not deserve.

Rolls-Royce Ghost Diva by Fenice Milano:

Press Release:

‘DIVA’ FENICE MILANO: ELEGANCE AND RACINESS FOR A CAR WITH A STRONG PERSONALITY

Everlasting synonym of class, elegance and perfect English style, Rolls Royce has become through the years the brand of celebrities and of all major international politicians.

In 2009, to meet the market’s modern request, the renowned English manufacturer launched the Ghost model. The ‘baby’ Rolls (it is only 540 cm long) has a less formal look compared to her bigger sisters, but it doesn’t abandon the typical pride of the flagships boasted with the ‘Spirit of Ecstasy’, the famous little statue on the front. Moreover its sporty character is supported by the 12V engine 570 Hp that make of her the more powerful Rolls ever built, able to accelerate from 0 to 100 Km/h in only 4,9 seconds.

The ‘Diva’ by Fenice Milano is based on this jewel produced in a limited quantity. Thanks to an important internal and external restyling, the ‘Diva’ adds a touch of Italian elegance and style, together with technical and performance improvements, able to make this car a true masterpiece with a strong personality.

To begin with the exterior, ‘Diva’ is proposed in three elegant versions with a bi-colour livery: from the classic blue navy, to the delicious bronze and the luxury limited edition white golden pearlescent varnishing that includes particles in 24K gold. For the navy-blue version, the bonnet and fender are in white golden pearlescent varnishing and chromed frontal grid; while for the white version the bonnet, fender and grid are in 24K gold. For the bronze version, instead, three combinations are available: bonnet, fender and grid in 24K gold, or bonnet and fender in white golden pearlescent varnishing and grid in 24K gold or chromed bronze grid.

Inside the console design has been maintained, but a few enhancements are provided, which due to the use of fine materials, make ‘Diva’ the most exclusive car available on the market. The dashboard and the passenger compartment are in biscuit?coloured leather and wood (teak or grey oak) and include white or bronze Alcantara profiles and inserts in 24K gold, whose outlines have been hand shaped by Fenice Milano’s artisans. The wheel, redesigned starting from the original one, has the crown covered in biscuit-coloured leather ant the central part in 24K gold and wood (teak or grey oak). Also the seats take inspiration from the original ones, but are redesigned following ergonomic principles and realized in white combined with biscuit?coloured pure leather (alternatively a version with biscuit?coloured pure leather coupled with bronze Alcantara seats is available), and like in the original car the picnic tables and the integrated minibar with glass holders have been maintained and realized in 24K gold.

As it happens for all Fenice Milano’s project, also for ‘Diva’ the aesthetic embellishments are coupled with technical interventions, able to improve the performances of the base model. The ECU upgrade, the suspensions adjustment and the optimization of the exhaust and suction system guarantee in fact notably superior performances and even more comfort onboard.

- By: Zain Haq

The products are insignificant, but the ads are some of the most compelling and titilating content on TV. Even though many of these “impulse buy” products are targeted to women, I’m pretty sure these “nymphomercials” are aimed squarely at us. Think about it: They air in the middle of the night, they last about two minutes and they don’t show up as suspicious charges on your cable bill. So, if you find yourself in a real pinch (no internet, DVDs, phone service, imagination or even a Victoria’s Secret catalogue) and need a little “help,” here are some go-to goodies that are on good ‘ol basic TV.

1. Kush Support: Breast in Show

A pretty woman with huge boobs in frilly lingerie is tossing and turning in her bed, unable to sleep. She reaches into a little satin bag that she keeps conveniently by her pillow, and pulls out a phallic looking plastic rod. Then she slides the rod slowly between her luscious lady lumps, letting out a sigh of relief.

But wait…there’s more: They even call this thing “your nighttime companion.”

2. Wearable Towel: Breast way to Look Hot and Stupid Simultaneously

We can all relate with the difficulty of fastening a regular towel around a set of 34 DDs. This nymphomercial stars with a woman’s towel falling off, and only gets better from there. Part shower scene, part pool party, and part toga party, I may need to buy one of these to clean myself up.

But wait…there’s more: Implied threesome when the dude gets in the hot tub with two ladies. Very Roman.

3. Sticky Nips: Breast Choking Hazard

A woman with hard nipples gets noticed, and based on the “actresses,” this infomercial looks like it was shot inside of a walk-in freezer, in Fargo, in February. Turns out that Sticky Nipples are like little boob yarmulkes for women who have a hard time getting…uh…hard.

But wait…there’s more: Like beer, they come in light, medium, tan and deep. Also like beer, if you ingest too many of them you’ll probably get sick.

4. Booty Pop: Breast ASSests

Not a breast man? No problem. Watch woman shake their asses for two minutes straight, without having to hear the annoying hip-hop song that usually plays along. Booty Pop does for the ass what Sticky Nips (see above) did for tits. Women checking out their own asses (and each other’s) in front of a mirror is hot no matter how you slice it.

5. Cami Secret: Breast Peek-A-Boo

Although I am a firm believer that hiding God-given cleavage is a crime that should be punishable by lifetime confiscation of buttons, this nymphomercial gets away with it by playing off of the naughty girl vs. nice girl routine. Never mind the obvious workplace sexual harassment taking place; this “cleavage control” bra attachment shows that you can go from daddy’s good little girl to the office tease in under three seconds.

6. ???: Breast Reason to Learn Japanese

I have no idea what is actually being said in this international nymphomercial, but who cares? Watch Asian woman practice riding reverse cowgirl in just a sports bra: Olympic event 2016? Not sure what it is, what it costs, or why anybody would want to be raped by a piece of furniture, but I knows whats I likes.

But wait…there’s more: The guy in this ad is a little too happy, and may have voided the warranty at exactly :53 seconds in.

7. Secret Keeper: Breast Hiding Place

Bras are meant for holding two things; both of them are called boobs. But now with this “titty wallet,” women can always have a place to store their cash and hide their cocaine. As much as we love watching ladies remove things from their bras (you can see it 20 times in this spot), those “things” usually have nipples attached to them. The Secret Keeper is “for the woman on the go”… or the woman who just likes feeling herself up every time she needs a mint. I’ve only seen a woman reach into her bra for money twice in my life. One of them wore clear heels for a living, and the other one was saving up to buy clear heels.

But wait…there’s more: I’m still not sold on this idea, but on the bright side I think I’ve discovered a new way to cook a Hot Pocket.

via: TheSmokingJacket

The Mercedes-Benz 62 S Landaulet spotted in traffic on the streets of Barcelona, Spain. This sh*t is straight NASTY in the video! I might mess around and tie a sweater around my neck in the backseat too!

Finding work we enjoy is vital for our well being. After all most of us spend a fair portion of our week engaged in work. So how do we find work that we love? Here are some practical tips that I have found useful in my own life and when working with coaching clients.

1. Believe it is Possible

This might seem obvious, but if you don’t believe that you can do work that you love you. Some people think that other people can find work they love but not them or that they are too old or too young or just don’t have the skills. Start to be aware of any limiting beliefs you have and catch yourself. Start to read stories about other people who are doing work they love. There are plenty of websites out there dedicated to this. It is amazing how who we associate with can influence our mindset. Since starting my own blog and joining a blogging community full of people living on their own terms and doing work they love, my own working life has changed beyond recognition! What seems possible expands.

2. Try New Things

Sometimes people think that one day they will just know what their “calling” is and they are waiting for that day. Sometimes this happens, but usually the people that find work they love are the ones who are proactive and get out into the world and try new things.

Sean Aiken is a great example. Sean was unsure what he wanted to do with his life, so he started the One Week Job project. He traveled anywhere in the world working 52 jobs in 52 weeks to find his passion.

Trying new things makes life more enjoyable and interesting and expands your horizons and who knows where it may lead? Don’t be afraid to try new jobs after all how will you know what you enjoy if you haven’t tried it! I have had lots of jobs and each one got me a little bit clearer on what I enjoy doing.

3. Freelance

Freelancing is a great way to try different types of work and earn money at the same time. Have a look at your skills and see what you could do. Are you great with kids? You could do some babysitting. Good at tinkering with web design? Who not look into providing web design as a service? Good at organising your home? People will pay someone to do that for them. Obviously there needs to be a match between what you can offer and what people want and need but to get started brainstorm and see what you can offer. It is easy to dismiss ideas but with a little bit of thought you could turn your skills into a job and get experience at the same time. In my own search for work I love I realised I loved listening to and inspiring people. For a long time I didn’t know how to turn that into a job but when I took it seriously I became a Life Coach and Mentor and now love my work.

4. Do Some Research

There are some great resources out there which can help you to get clearer about the type of work you enjoy. The internet is a brilliant way to access these resources and it is amazing what information is available to help you succeed in any area of life. I also recommend books like “The Work You Were Born To Do” by Nick Williams and “What Colour is Your Parachute” by Richard. N. Bolles.

5. Volunteer

Volunteering is a great way to gain experience and learn a new trade at the same time. Many organisations welcome volunteers and have their own volunteering scheme. Volunteering is also a great way to build up your confidence and get comfortable with what you are doing. Volunteer positions often lead to paid employment within that organisation or in other places.

6. Don’t Be Afraid to Have Multiple Jobs

There is no rule that says you have to just have one job. I have been doing two different jobs this year as well as the work I do on my blog and I have realised how much I enjoy having a variety in my working week. I love coaching and mentoring but also discovered I really enjoy writing and the technical side of having a website. Don’t limit yourself. If it’s helpful to you pursue a few different avenues at the same time.

7. Follow Your Bliss

Pay attention to what you enjoy. There are lots of messages from society about what constitutes a good job, but in order to find work you truly love it is necessary to tune out to other peoples messages and focus on what you really want to do. Sometimes your job may be different to the traditional path or maybe it’s not been invented yet and it will be down to you to do that! Have the courage to follow what feels right for you. Then you start to find work you truly love and it won’t feel like work!

via: WorkAwesome